About you that just grabs me firmly
and yet I can’t understand just what it is
should I even try to?
No…giving in to the sensation of the moment
and the deep, tingly feelings stirring within
is the only Reason worth exploring.
Every sense of being within me
yearns whenever I’m in your presence
to just pull you firmly close to me
while I look deep within your eyes
playful smiles abounding
and kiss you softly.

Truth be told,
I’m not in love
and neither does Cupid’s romantic arrow
of sparks-flying, birds chirping, flowers blooming
and heart-pulsating swooning
between us romantically fly

It’s a feeling of humanistic love
that envelops my feelings for you,
taking and giving,
bound in admiration
for everything you are.
In the little time I’ve had with you
I’ve recognized a deep inner beauty
that is loving and charitable
strong yet tender
humorous and nerdy…

Brutally honest is all I can be.
There is nothing I can fake with you,
for your wit and perceptive skills
are as sharp as mine.
But my supplicating attempts
with these fanciful words
carry no hidden agenda
nor self-serving interest
but to perhaps make you laugh
and let you know how beautiful you are
for everything you are.

Come with me to the Brewery Art Walk this weekend
Let me know if you’d like to go…

As you stood across from me at the party
with your radiant smile
Time had stopped
and everything around us dissolved away
There was only us

I couldn’t help but gaze into the depth of your eyes
and feel like swimming
into the brown and amber sea
exploring the mysteries and wonders within
all that is you

While I know such highly entertained
thoughts of deep affection
will only render melancholy spirits,
for deeply beloved you already are,
I cannot help
but hold you dear to me
and love you to the greatest extent I can,
without attachment,
even if these words and feelings
never be expressed,
and I write now in soliloquy
There shall be nothing less
than utter happiness in my heart
in all the days that follow,
from simply having you in my life

Buona Notte
mia bella Amica

How is it such
that your beauty and elegance
your wit and passion
for all that you are
for all that you pursue with such fervor
had gone unnoticed by me
for so long?

Yes, it seems an eternity
like as if you were there the whole time
and I had been plugging away in my own affairs
regarding you as splendid indeed
and yet just another party
in my circle of friends
Alas it has only been two months
since I had the pleasure of
gaining your acquaintance

While I may have been blinded temporarily
Mine eyes have seen the radiance
of the jewel glistening in the distance
the rose that I see from afar
beckoning me to come near
and entreat you in the very least
to pleasant companionship

My heart may pound lightly
my imagination may swirl
but I realize where reality stands
here and now
nowhere else
because all I can hope my lady
is an endearing smile may you impart
from our rendez-vous in three days time

Bon Nuit

Mid afternoon. Summer day. Cool breeze.
I’m sitting at the edge of the cliff
taking in the beauty of the landscape
and the subtle splendor of this moment

Something ails me
but yet I feel incredibly alive
hell, the entire world seems afire
incredible amounts of energy
all around us
some blazingly roaring
others mere glowing embers
each fire has a personality of its own
with emotional moments
positive and negative
intense, mild, and weak
continuous, intermittent, and seldom
gentle and strong licks
slow and quick

Footsteps approaching
I turn around
and see Reason in a white summer dress
coy smile on her face
hands behind her back
we exchange hellos
and a big hug
she sits down next to me

Reason, you have shown me these truths
you have awakened the 6th sense
it’s not just subtle intuition acting out
heightened awareness has taken hold
yet I haven’t meditated for a long time
What’s happening?
I don’t sense Pride
nor Humility nearby
Everything just IS…
To be honest, while I am happy
and obviously not complaining
I am a bit nervous
because I don’t know what to expect
when in unfamiliar territory

Pierre, it’s okay
Take comfort in the now
the ever changing, the uncertainty
I sense you understand your mortality
better than you ever have before
However wonderful and aware
you feel in this moment
it will not last
you will fall astray
and you have no obligation to
immediately try and set things right
and to see clearly again
to embrace the Tao

While I know Objectivity has been
a great companion as of late
I don’t want you to become cold
and shun certain emotions
You must give yourself some time
to wallow in them
I’m not giving you an absolute guideline
the path is yours
Goodbye for now…

Wait! What about that little pain
inside me that’s not going away?

Speak again with Love

She kisses me on the forehead

Farewell my dear friend…

What

I’m in love with you

How

madly, passionately, and intensely to the point where involuntary servitude to this feeling takes over my entire being

Why

you’re gorgeous & not a 10
caring & sometimes brash
intelligent & funny
proud & humble
vulnerable & courageous
amazing & imperfect
and because I love you
exactly for who
you
are

Sunday evening. I’m sitting with Reason at Natalie’s Coffee, enjoying the biscotti and Cappuccino. Of course she had some wisdom to impart on me, so here’s how it went.

Pierre, I’ve known you for a long time. And one thing that I know well is your uncanny ability to suppress or hide from your emotions. You’ve gotten much better over the years, as one that grows in life and as an individual should.

Well, thanks! Can you make me any more self-conscious and vulnerable here? Hey, I’m glad I haven’t turned out a complete emotional wreck. I suppose if I hadn’t met you some 3 odd years ago, I’d be a big ball of play-doh, malleable to the conditions and circumstances of the day.

I’m trying to be serious here Pierre.

So am I. Look, you taught me the important lesson of being simply ‘aware’ of what emotions I was feeling, so I could get in better touch with them. And secondly, that all feelings and emotions were impermanent – both the good and unpleasant. Understanding that made me not dwell on what I may have been feeling at any given moment, but simply carry on.

That’s right. Nobody has any control or responsibility for their emotions – they just happen. The only important thing is how you react to them. And with that said, allow me to cut to the chase: You’re not responding as well as you could be. Even though you’re more aware of what you’re feeling, it upsets me to see a ‘fight or flight’ reaction sometimes with you. I understand humans can’t be perfect, and I’m not asking you to be.

Well, Arbiter of Enlightenment, why don’t you tell me what to do. Do my perceptual glasses need some cleaning at the local LensCrafters?

Accept the presence of Fear. Don’t try and fight it because doing so will only exacerbate the situation and prolong taking action. In fact, if you act in the absence of Fear, it’s very likely that you will not grow stronger because the atmosphere is too safe and secure.

Do you get my drift here? Fear will manifest in new forms after you’ve made progress and accomplishments – that’s just the way it is. The quicker you learn to accept and cope with Fear, the better off you’ll be.

I soooo want to be sarcastic with you right now, but I’m at a loss of words because…what you’re saying makes a lot of sense. It’s not inspiring like a professional coach pepping me up before the big game. But actually it’s better because it’s a lot more realistic way of looking at it.

Well, I’m glad it made some sense with you. I care a lot about you, and I hate to see confusion in your eyes, or stagnancy in your life because of a misunderstanding of your relationship with a natural emotion.

We left the cafe and promised to keep in touch before going our ways. I admit she really hit a nail this time, as if she looked at my map and destination and gave me a compelling reason to avoid the detours. Some of my fears will be rational, others won’t. Nonetheless, they’re here for my benefit, and that’s an uplifting attitude worth keeping…and sharing.

It was five years ago that my heart sang
admiration and love for knowing you
and everything we shared in our friendship.
The laughter, intoxicated merriment,
pizzas and beer in the late-night streets of Cologne,
all serve as pleasant memories
I shall not forget.

Our differences were minor, although I am
still amused by the site of holding and kissing a lady
a foot taller than I.
We were Californians sharing a
cultural connection in a far away land.
To describe it solely as such though,
would do injustice to my feelings beneath.

You brought out a lively spirit in me
that celebrated the joy of being alive.
It was the playful flirtations between us that confused me,
dumbfounded my heart, and made me ask
to what extent the tender love and care I felt for you,
would translate into true feelings
and indications of a deep love
- an emotion that I longed for.

Should I not have been so contemplative?
Should I just have given in to the spontaneity
of the moment and feeling?
To let down the barriers
and cast away my subjective rules of engagement
seemed too difficult;
as pleasurable the consequences might have been.

The truth is complicated, but must be told.
I felt intimidated by your stature.
Your state of health made me feel uneasy,
and I didn’t want to feel unable to help.
In that time, I was trying to extend love
and seek reciprocation elsewhere.
While sharing our friendship, the little
acts of kindness and affection made me
feel special, feel loved, feel cared for.

My folly was in trying to continue these feelings,
although the air around me clearly said
that at this point, I couldn’t stand on neutral ground anymore.
“No Man’s Land” was precisely that,
a place for neither of us to be.
And yet, I acted selfish by staying in this zone
while playing with Cupid’s bow.

In retrospect, I hurt myself too by allowing this to happen
and never fully explaining myself.
Back home in the year that followed,
I saw and heard from you occasionally,
but a lasting friendship did not come to be.
Hearing of your poor health, the surgeries,
the state of the family and all else,
I so wanted to reach out and hug you.
But this awkward rift was still there.
Perhaps it didn’t phase you,
being the strong woman you are.
Nonetheless, it had affected me.

Wherever you are Jessica,
on earth, in the heavens, or reborn…
I want you to know I’m sorry.
May peace and happiness reside in your spirit
for all of eternity.

I haven’t crossed this bridge
exploring my other self in some time
Sometimes we let things slide
into a state of inactivity
not out of a lack of volition
or a feeling of indifference.
In my case, the cause was likely
a momentary lapse of inspiration.

With personal reflection and having
spoken to Reason
I believe my previous writings
reflected a spirit inside of me
that deeply wanted to reach out
and simply love
without an intended target
A desire to just release energy within
and let it grow into a creative work
spontaneously; in a vivid manner
like the passion that just exists
in that moment…like no single other

But Love knows me better too
There is no such thing
as pure undirectional intent
without some source of inspiration;
a well of personal & living examples.
So yes, there are a few ladies whom
I dearly love and care for.
The greatest part is that although
their physical beauty is captivating,
the real attraction stems from
my recognition of their imperfection.
Their human-ness in sometimes being frail
and sometimes being strong.

Through them, I’ve come to trim the
excess growth in my mental garden.
Meditation and writing have helped greatly;
But I realize that only by bringing
Pierre’s honesty and openness
into my daily living, can I release
my guard, drop the shield,
and just enjoy life more.
Without the seriousness and
critical introspection that
have been such a strong part of me
for so long, oft holding me back
and contributing to the anxiety
and blue notes I sometimes feel.

Acceptance for personal imperfection
and the allowance for letting go
and reaching out, are going to have
to become my greatest allies
if I want to improve upon
my situation, and realize for myself
the opportunity of a fulfilling future
that is as open to me as Dale Carnegie,
David Schwartz, and Jeffrey Gitomer
among others promise me.
It’s a life that I make of it
through my thoughts and my actions.

Bon Soir mes Amis

To truly enjoy the sweetness of life,
Appreciate our true nature:
That we all desire and pursue happiness
while seeking to avoid suffering.
When our minds grasp that reality
in little glimpses or as part of a habit
that we cultivate through practice and awareness,
we’ll recognize the full capacity
of an Open Heart.

One that we can use to express compassion:
for ourselves because this is our life to live and enjoy,
and for others since giving can be fun and
seeing others happy gives great pleasure.

An Open Heart knows no boundaries
it just acts without exception to time, place, or object.
Its strength may be variable
but its intent is unchanging.

To truly love responsibly,
we must be willing to give and receive
without expectation nor envy; like Life,
Love has a fluid state of being.
It is never the same, one moment to the next.
When we recognize this impermanence,
we are able to give more to others and
realize fuller happiness in Life, in addition to
being able to freeing ourselves of any
sadness or discontent when it seems to fade,
or we don’t sense a receipt in kind.

Voltaire once wrote:
“Love is a canvas furnished by nature
and embroidered by imagination”.
Let it be free and enjoy its presence…
in the past,
this living moment,
and what time may come

It is a connection that binds us
beyond time and simple expression
it’s what I feel within me and beyond
something pure that exists between us
and which I cannot hold back

I wanted it to remain perhaps simply felt
as a mutual sensation of love and understanding
without need to be expressed
Sometimes it is such that the best things are left unsaid

But I can no longer simply accept openly recognizing this
between us as a shallow tide
that playfully splashes at our feet
leaving little sensations of joy and humor
as I hold your hand in these waters
For it is much more than that alone
I see the ocean beyond us
its expanse wide and open

You deserve the best that this life has to offer you
in good spirit, success, and companionship
That is the most that I want for you
I cannot expect anything in return
as you’ve given me so much already
You deserve to give love again
with all of your heart
without fear of getting hurt
I know it can be a risk
but it’s something you must try

Although the present is calling for
greater physical distance between us
I shall never be far away
in mind and in spirit
to hear you laugh or cry,
in times of joy or sadness.
I will listen, hold, and
embrace you in my thoughts
and when visits or travel allow

Such is the depth of my affection for you
my dearest…
I can think of no replacement
for there is none that I shall desire
You are the best

… I Love You …