There’s Something…

About you that just grabs me firmly
and yet I can’t understand just what it is
should I even try to?
No…giving in to the sensation of the moment
and the deep, tingly feelings stirring within
is the only Reason worth exploring.
Every sense of being within me
yearns whenever I’m in your presence
to just pull you firmly close to me
while I look deep within your eyes
playful smiles abounding
and kiss you softly.

Truth be told,
I’m not in love
and neither does Cupid’s romantic arrow
of sparks-flying, birds chirping, flowers blooming
and heart-pulsating swooning
between us romantically fly

It’s a feeling of humanistic love
that envelops my feelings for you,
taking and giving,
bound in admiration
for everything you are.
In the little time I’ve had with you
I’ve recognized a deep inner beauty
that is loving and charitable
strong yet tender
humorous and nerdy…

Brutally honest is all I can be.
There is nothing I can fake with you,
for your wit and perceptive skills
are as sharp as mine.
But my supplicating attempts
with these fanciful words
carry no hidden agenda
nor self-serving interest
but to perhaps make you laugh
and let you know how beautiful you are
for everything you are.

Come with me to the Brewery Art Walk this weekend
Let me know if you’d like to go…

Swimming

As you stood across from me at the party
with your radiant smile
Time had stopped
and everything around us dissolved away
There was only us

I couldn’t help but gaze into the depth of your eyes
and feel like swimming
into the brown and amber sea
exploring the mysteries and wonders within
all that is you

While I know such highly entertained
thoughts of deep affection
will only render melancholy spirits,
for deeply beloved you already are,
I cannot help
but hold you dear to me
and love you to the greatest extent I can,
without attachment,
even if these words and feelings
never be expressed,
and I write now in soliloquy
There shall be nothing less
than utter happiness in my heart
in all the days that follow,
from simply having you in my life

Buona Notte
mia bella Amica

A Rose in my Sight

How is it such
that your beauty and elegance
your wit and passion
for all that you are
for all that you pursue with such fervor
had gone unnoticed by me
for so long?

Yes, it seems an eternity
like as if you were there the whole time
and I had been plugging away in my own affairs
regarding you as splendid indeed
and yet just another party
in my circle of friends
Alas it has only been two months
since I had the pleasure of
gaining your acquaintance

While I may have been blinded temporarily
Mine eyes have seen the radiance
of the jewel glistening in the distance
the rose that I see from afar
beckoning me to come near
and entreat you in the very least
to pleasant companionship

My heart may pound lightly
my imagination may swirl
but I realize where reality stands
here and now
nowhere else
because all I can hope my lady
is an endearing smile may you impart
from our rendez-vous in three days time

Bon Nuit

Questioning this Feeling

Mid afternoon. Summer day. Cool breeze.
I’m sitting at the edge of the cliff
taking in the beauty of the landscape
and the subtle splendor of this moment

Something ails me
but yet I feel incredibly alive
hell, the entire world seems afire
incredible amounts of energy
all around us
some blazingly roaring
others mere glowing embers
each fire has a personality of its own
with emotional moments
positive and negative
intense, mild, and weak
continuous, intermittent, and seldom
gentle and strong licks
slow and quick

Footsteps approaching
I turn around
and see Reason in a white summer dress
coy smile on her face
hands behind her back
we exchange hellos
and a big hug
she sits down next to me

Reason, you have shown me these truths
you have awakened the 6th sense
it’s not just subtle intuition acting out
heightened awareness has taken hold
yet I haven’t meditated for a long time
What’s happening?
I don’t sense Pride
nor Humility nearby
Everything just IS…
To be honest, while I am happy
and obviously not complaining
I am a bit nervous
because I don’t know what to expect
when in unfamiliar territory

Pierre, it’s okay
Take comfort in the now
the ever changing, the uncertainty
I sense you understand your mortality
better than you ever have before
However wonderful and aware
you feel in this moment
it will not last
you will fall astray
and you have no obligation to
immediately try and set things right
and to see clearly again
to embrace the Tao

While I know Objectivity has been
a great companion as of late
I don’t want you to become cold
and shun certain emotions
You must give yourself some time
to wallow in them
I’m not giving you an absolute guideline
the path is yours
Goodbye for now…

Wait! What about that little pain
inside me that’s not going away?

Speak again with Love

She kisses me on the forehead

Farewell my dear friend…

The Love Proclamation

What

I’m in love with you

How

madly, passionately, and intensely to the point where involuntary servitude to this feeling takes over my entire being

Why

you’re gorgeous & not a 10
caring & sometimes brash
intelligent & funny
proud & humble
vulnerable & courageous
amazing & imperfect
and because I love you
exactly for who
you
are

Reasonable Emotions and the Truth about Fear

Sunday evening. I’m sitting with Reason at Natalie’s Coffee, enjoying the biscotti and Cappuccino. Of course she had some wisdom to impart on me, so here’s how it went.

Pierre, I’ve known you for a long time. And one thing that I know well is your uncanny ability to suppress or hide from your emotions. You’ve gotten much better over the years, as one that grows in life and as an individual should.

Well, thanks! Can you make me any more self-conscious and vulnerable here? Hey, I’m glad I haven’t turned out a complete emotional wreck. I suppose if I hadn’t met you some 3 odd years ago, I’d be a big ball of play-doh, malleable to the conditions and circumstances of the day.

I’m trying to be serious here Pierre.

So am I. Look, you taught me the important lesson of being simply ‘aware’ of what emotions I was feeling, so I could get in better touch with them. And secondly, that all feelings and emotions were impermanent – both the good and unpleasant. Understanding that made me not dwell on what I may have been feeling at any given moment, but simply carry on.

That’s right. Nobody has any control or responsibility for their emotions – they just happen. The only important thing is how you react to them. And with that said, allow me to cut to the chase: You’re not responding as well as you could be. Even though you’re more aware of what you’re feeling, it upsets me to see a ‘fight or flight’ reaction sometimes with you. I understand humans can’t be perfect, and I’m not asking you to be.

Well, Arbiter of Enlightenment, why don’t you tell me what to do. Do my perceptual glasses need some cleaning at the local LensCrafters?

Accept the presence of Fear. Don’t try and fight it because doing so will only exacerbate the situation and prolong taking action. In fact, if you act in the absence of Fear, it’s very likely that you will not grow stronger because the atmosphere is too safe and secure.

Do you get my drift here? Fear will manifest in new forms after you’ve made progress and accomplishments – that’s just the way it is. The quicker you learn to accept and cope with Fear, the better off you’ll be.

I soooo want to be sarcastic with you right now, but I’m at a loss of words because…what you’re saying makes a lot of sense. It’s not inspiring like a professional coach pepping me up before the big game. But actually it’s better because it’s a lot more realistic way of looking at it.

Well, I’m glad it made some sense with you. I care a lot about you, and I hate to see confusion in your eyes, or stagnancy in your life because of a misunderstanding of your relationship with a natural emotion.

We left the cafe and promised to keep in touch before going our ways. I admit she really hit a nail this time, as if she looked at my map and destination and gave me a compelling reason to avoid the detours. Some of my fears will be rational, others won’t. Nonetheless, they’re here for my benefit, and that’s an uplifting attitude worth keeping…and sharing.

A Late but Earnest Apology

It was five years ago that my heart sang
admiration and love for knowing you
and everything we shared in our friendship.
The laughter, intoxicated merriment,
pizzas and beer in the late-night streets of Cologne,
all serve as pleasant memories
I shall not forget.

Our differences were minor, although I am
still amused by the site of holding and kissing a lady
a foot taller than I.
We were Californians sharing a
cultural connection in a far away land.
To describe it solely as such though,
would do injustice to my feelings beneath.

You brought out a lively spirit in me
that celebrated the joy of being alive.
It was the playful flirtations between us that confused me,
dumbfounded my heart, and made me ask
to what extent the tender love and care I felt for you,
would translate into true feelings
and indications of a deep love
- an emotion that I longed for.

Should I not have been so contemplative?
Should I just have given in to the spontaneity
of the moment and feeling?
To let down the barriers
and cast away my subjective rules of engagement
seemed too difficult;
as pleasurable the consequences might have been.

The truth is complicated, but must be told.
I felt intimidated by your stature.
Your state of health made me feel uneasy,
and I didn’t want to feel unable to help.
In that time, I was trying to extend love
and seek reciprocation elsewhere.
While sharing our friendship, the little
acts of kindness and affection made me
feel special, feel loved, feel cared for.

My folly was in trying to continue these feelings,
although the air around me clearly said
that at this point, I couldn’t stand on neutral ground anymore.
“No Man’s Land” was precisely that,
a place for neither of us to be.
And yet, I acted selfish by staying in this zone
while playing with Cupid’s bow.

In retrospect, I hurt myself too by allowing this to happen
and never fully explaining myself.
Back home in the year that followed,
I saw and heard from you occasionally,
but a lasting friendship did not come to be.
Hearing of your poor health, the surgeries,
the state of the family and all else,
I so wanted to reach out and hug you.
But this awkward rift was still there.
Perhaps it didn’t phase you,
being the strong woman you are.
Nonetheless, it had affected me.

Wherever you are Jessica,
on earth, in the heavens, or reborn…
I want you to know I’m sorry.
May peace and happiness reside in your spirit
for all of eternity.

A Gentle Return

I haven’t crossed this bridge
exploring my other self in some time
Sometimes we let things slide
into a state of inactivity
not out of a lack of volition
or a feeling of indifference.
In my case, the cause was likely
a momentary lapse of inspiration.

With personal reflection and having
spoken to Reason
I believe my previous writings
reflected a spirit inside of me
that deeply wanted to reach out
and simply love
without an intended target
A desire to just release energy within
and let it grow into a creative work
spontaneously; in a vivid manner
like the passion that just exists
in that moment…like no single other

But Love knows me better too
There is no such thing
as pure undirectional intent
without some source of inspiration;
a well of personal & living examples.
So yes, there are a few ladies whom
I dearly love and care for.
The greatest part is that although
their physical beauty is captivating,
the real attraction stems from
my recognition of their imperfection.
Their human-ness in sometimes being frail
and sometimes being strong.

Through them, I’ve come to trim the
excess growth in my mental garden.
Meditation and writing have helped greatly;
But I realize that only by bringing
Pierre’s honesty and openness
into my daily living, can I release
my guard, drop the shield,
and just enjoy life more.
Without the seriousness and
critical introspection that
have been such a strong part of me
for so long, oft holding me back
and contributing to the anxiety
and blue notes I sometimes feel.

Acceptance for personal imperfection
and the allowance for letting go
and reaching out, are going to have
to become my greatest allies
if I want to improve upon
my situation, and realize for myself
the opportunity of a fulfilling future
that is as open to me as Dale Carnegie,
David Schwartz, and Jeffrey Gitomer
among others promise me.
It’s a life that I make of it
through my thoughts and my actions.

Bon Soir mes Amis

Awakening of an Open Heart

To truly enjoy the sweetness of life,
Appreciate our true nature:
That we all desire and pursue happiness
while seeking to avoid suffering.
When our minds grasp that reality
in little glimpses or as part of a habit
that we cultivate through practice and awareness,
we’ll recognize the full capacity
of an Open Heart.

One that we can use to express compassion:
for ourselves because this is our life to live and enjoy,
and for others since giving can be fun and
seeing others happy gives great pleasure.

An Open Heart knows no boundaries
it just acts without exception to time, place, or object.
Its strength may be variable
but its intent is unchanging.

To truly love responsibly,
we must be willing to give and receive
without expectation nor envy; like Life,
Love has a fluid state of being.
It is never the same, one moment to the next.
When we recognize this impermanence,
we are able to give more to others and
realize fuller happiness in Life, in addition to
being able to freeing ourselves of any
sadness or discontent when it seems to fade,
or we don’t sense a receipt in kind.

Voltaire once wrote:
“Love is a canvas furnished by nature
and embroidered by imagination”.
Let it be free and enjoy its presence…
in the past,
this living moment,
and what time may come

The Depth of the Ocean

It is a connection that binds us
beyond time and simple expression
it’s what I feel within me and beyond
something pure that exists between us
and which I cannot hold back

I wanted it to remain perhaps simply felt
as a mutual sensation of love and understanding
without need to be expressed
Sometimes it is such that the best things are left unsaid

But I can no longer simply accept openly recognizing this
between us as a shallow tide
that playfully splashes at our feet
leaving little sensations of joy and humor
as I hold your hand in these waters
For it is much more than that alone
I see the ocean beyond us
its expanse wide and open

You deserve the best that this life has to offer you
in good spirit, success, and companionship
That is the most that I want for you
I cannot expect anything in return
as you’ve given me so much already
You deserve to give love again
with all of your heart
without fear of getting hurt
I know it can be a risk
but it’s something you must try

Although the present is calling for
greater physical distance between us
I shall never be far away
in mind and in spirit
to hear you laugh or cry,
in times of joy or sadness.
I will listen, hold, and
embrace you in my thoughts
and when visits or travel allow

Such is the depth of my affection for you
my dearest…
I can think of no replacement
for there is none that I shall desire
You are the best

… I Love You …

That Special Magic

It’s that laughter that rings within us
singing a little tune in our hearts
making us tingle inside
as our eyes meet
that fun joy still lingering
from the random moment
we just shared together

No fading back to reality
nor a brief moment of silence
accompanied by subtle glances away,
and a “Well…”

I can’t look away.
You’re just that beautiful.
I slowly lean closer,
and we exchange coy smiles
in anticipation
of the moment we kiss,
gently and tenderly,
nothing else exists…
just you and I,
sharing this wonder,
enjoying this magic,
and living this moment.
Together

The Rising Water

Sometimes the water enters my house
slowly filling the downstairs
and lower chambers.
I see it, but passively react.
Instead I go to read a book,
thinking ‘oh well’,
it will recede again.

Now it’s noon
and it still hasn’t gone away.
The stairway is filled with water
As I stand at the top,
little waves splash at my feet.
I smile and drink some tea.
Where’s my Driver
when I need him?
Where is Zeal?
Sadness is standing nearby
Anxiety is not too far away.
I go see what’s the latest
in the blogosphere,
play around,
check my mail.
Nothing new.
The compulsion is killing me
Aversion is my temporary friend
The water continues to rise.

Reason told me to put on my dive suit,
swim toward the basement,
and pull on the drain plug.
It’s the only way she said
I’d be able to begin my work.
But the height of the water now,
discourages me.
Besides, evening is now upon us.
Tomorrow morning the house
will be empty again.
Why not just wait it out?

Reason is calling to me.
I hear her sweet voice,
gentle and dear.
I begin to get teary-eyed.

Pierre, don’t put yourself through this..
I want you to be happy.
You have loving friends and family
that care a lot about you.
Even your online pals
wouldn’t want to see you like this.
I don’t want you to feel shame.
But I do want you to understand
the pain that you’re feeling.
How it arises,
and how it will fade.
You’ve pressured yourself in the past,
and Procrastination and Resent
were your only companions.
This is a bad habit Pierre.
You can’t kill it.
But you can be aware of it,
then act…act…
focus on being in the moment.
Empty your mind,
and just perform.
Do this everyday.

I hear you Reason.
Now that you’ve officially spoken on this regard,
truthfully….without fluffy enthusiasm
nor Fear in my company,
I hope the situation will improve.

Don’t think Pierre.
you do enough of that already.
Just act.

Gentle Concern

I pray that you will tell me to whisper
should my heart sing too loudly
I endear our moments together
cherish them I do
However I fear my imaginative mind
may lead me to believe in exaggerated perceptions
that may be reflective of the passion
that lives inside me, wanting to reach out,
hold you tightly, kiss you ever softly.
Although this would be a pleasant dream
made alive into a wondrous reality,
I recognize the selfish nature of my
proclamation of desire at this level alone.
It is what you desire that is of uttermost importance.
I am just another man,
who gazes in awe at the beauty you possess,
within you and without.
I stand here before you today,
reciting an authentic song I wrote alone,
not wanting to be another one of the suitors in line,
desperately hoping you’ll take fancy in them someday.

Dearest Marie, I express my fondness for you today,
tomorrow, next week, and what time may come.
That is all.

I just hope out of your respect for me as a person, a man,
and hopefully your friend,
that if need be, you will place your hand on my heart
to slow the rhythm. To maintain whatever beautiful thing
we share together. Tell me what you think, be not afraid of
my response. I had asked this small favor once
of a lady friend I admired, and to my heart’s disappointment
after having sang an operetta, she failed to act.
I trust your kind heart will always guide you in the right direction,
may it fly in joyous spirit above the clouds,
with or without me. Such is my sole wish for you…

(kisses Marie on the hand)
(tips hat, smiles with a wink)

Sleep well my dearest…

(walks down her steps and out along the foggy London street)

Hanging with Fear

There’s no way I can get rid of you.
I accept you’re always going to be around
in some way, shape, form or another.

Good Job Pierre! I see you’ve spoken to Reason.
I sometimes accompany her when she’s visiting others,
acting as a sort of defense mechanism, you know?

Oh, I get it. I just believe there happen to be times when someone
really needs to put you in check. In my life and others,
I just really wish you weren’t around as often. That’s all.
It seems the whole world would be way better off without you.

That’s what everyone says. But hey, I’ve got to do something for a living.
Subconsciously, people may not admit it…but they need me around.
Do you have any idea how often I’ve influenced people do what’s really the best thing for them AND others? I prevent drunk driving, unwanted pregnancies, lying and a whole lotta cheating (loved ones, taxes, employers)…Pierre, the list is endless. I may not have a conscience, but my services have always been about preservation. What’s wrong with that?

There are two sides of the coin Fear. You may be all about preservation, but what about progress?! Stagnation is the virus that eats man’s ability to move forward.

You’re right about that. But don’t label me as the master culprit of all the suffering in this world. I may be an influencer, but don’t confuse me with Sadness and Despair.
I’m a neutral intermediary. I can’t help it if other people are in the room with me, be their effect positive or negative.

Okay; I can respect that.
If I know you’re going to be around for a long time, I just want to understand your role in my life. Someone once said something to the effect of: “The only thing to fear is fear itself”, which to me is a bit paradoxical. Although everything you’ve said makes sense from a functional viewpoint in light of your job description, I’d like to talk to Reason again about how I can best see and deal with you in this lifetime.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I got up from the rock I was sitting on, smiled, and shook Fear’s hand saying it was nice talking to him, but that I didn’t really look forward to our next encounter. He laughed and replied, “No one ever really does Pierre. But hey, I’m glad somebody actually had the courage to just sit down and chat“.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
ATTENTION READER: How do you see Fear’s role in our lives? What are your thoughts?
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

(Quickly: Does anybody read this? Will I ever get a comment?)
—–
Fear creeps up behind me and playfully exclaims: “Peek a boo! I’m back“

Oh no you don’t! I’ll get a reply someday…

(Smiles and exits Stage)

A Cookie of Sweet Delight

I enter the kitchen
and see Angela working her magic.
I tiptoe my way in from behind her
easing my way into her presence
and the warm air surrounding us.

“I hear you…little rascal!”
she says just as I place my hands on her hips
and look over her shoulder.

“MMmmmm….I like cookies”, I say
as I wrap my loving arms around her waist
swaying a little dance.
“Especially yours”…

Angela knows just the right ingredients.
I can’t say what they are;
her recipe is a secret
worth keeping from me.
Her chocolate morsels may be Belgian,
but her style is all American.

“Oh you….anticipation is killing me”,
I softly whisper in her ear
followed by a soft tug
on the lobe with my lips.
“You’re just going to have to wait,
my impatient little boy”, she says.

I slip my hands into the mixture with hers,
kneading the dough,
applying soft yet firm pressure,
flowing to a steady rhythm
my breath quickens.

“Dough’s ready…
time for the spooon”, she says playfully
while leaning out a little
further from behind the counter,
teasingly brushing my torso
with her beautiful figure…
And then unexpectedly
pushing me away!

“Go sit down.”, she says.
The oven is getting hot
but the cookies
aren’t even in yet.
“Good things come to
those who wait.
You like them
really soft and sweet…
don’t you?”

“Oh yeah”, my immediate reply.

She coyly smiles with a slight nod,
“It’ll only be ten minutes then”.

I grudgingly accept
What choice do I have?
They will only taste
that
much
Better.

Un Charmante Conversation avec Amour – Act 1

It’s a sunny day in the park with a cool breeze
I’m waiting for Love. She’s supposed to be here at 3 pm
but of course, I’m 10 minutes early.
Impatient little me…

I see her whizzing through the park on her bike,
ringing her bell along the path to alert the parents and kids.
I’d be like “Love coming thru, make way!”, but she’s too
humble for that. Pride never seems to be in her company,
at least when I’m around.

She brings her bike to a stop by the bench where I’m sitting,
we exchange salutations and pleasantries;
our conversation begins:

Hi Pierre! What’s going on?

Thanks for coming out. I really wanted to talk to you; it’s been a long time

At least 5 months; but don’t think I’ve been completely out of the picture though. Insight and I had spoken about you, and I’ve advised him on certain things to tell you

Yeah, I could tell. When talking through him, they’re always just little glimpses about a subject I can’t ever completely understand. And because we’re playing chinese whispers, albeit with only one conversational intermediary, I feel as if there’s always something I’m missing, or just flying over my head. But that’s all right. Insight and even Wisdom herself, have kindly told me not to think too much about it.
Instead…I followed your advice and just let my heart flow. And you know?….it feels absolutely wonderful! I feel happy and truly connected to others in this world in more ways than I’ve ever imagined possible before. One thing you taught me really helped though.

What was that?

A friend I visited a few years back, a young lady I love dearly, said that…sure loving myself first is good. But trying to grasp and reach for a holistic sense of self you can love, BEFORE actively trying to love others, is a waste of time. You just have to open your heart with loving kindness and compassion, without any expectation of return. Because ultimately, love is a gift.

That’s right..

And that doesn’t mean I have to try and love everybody…some people seemingly don’t deserve any love. But there is some basic form of humanistic compassionate love I’ve discovered, that I can share with anyone; a reservoir within me that I never knew existed.

Pierre, it’s not like a huge Alpine stream was always flowing nearby and you never saw or heard it. I want you to give yourself a little bit of credit; you cultivated it within you and it grew.
But there’s something deeper I sense within you; a real reason for being here talking with me today. What is it? Has that cat been scratching on your door again lately?

Actually yes. But I don’t shoo him away anymore. I understand that Attachment and Aversion are siblings. So…I accept the meaning of the cat’s presence when he’s around: namely my desire for deep love and intimacy to/from a close friend. Someone who’ll come home after a long day and I’ve already been working in the kitchen, preparing seasoned chicken breasts with a lemon butter sauce, bow-tie pasta, and savoried green beans. I kiss her softly in greeting and pour us some glasses of fine Australian Merlot before setting the table.

What a little romantic you are!
But hold that thought! I sense you have a lot more to say, but I need to do something important first…so just give me a minute ok?

————————————-
Love turns around and taps on the big pane of glass.

Hi Reader! Love here… Pierre is about to wake up and I don’t want to cut him off mid-sentence. Would you mind coming back in a few days? Thanks
————————————–

Creativity

Come out and play dammit!
I want you to entertain
and inspire me
Just give me something to work with
(silence)
(waiting)
I can’t just go back to ignoring you
and hoping you’ll come around.
That’s what I thought would be
the easiest route…but Noooo.
You just had to play hardball
and test my patience.

I’m not an experienced writer,
yet here I am. Practicing and hoping
it’ll get better.
Just let it out
and edit it later…
(what if???)
Ssshhhhhh….just write and release.
Yes Sir…Maam…uhm, what should I call you?

The passion that resides within you
resonating your chords of authenticity,
…when you let me.
I am bound only by your perception.
Set me free and
I shall give you wings to roam
high above the clouds.
But remember to pause, reflect,
return and edit…edit…and edit again.

Now begin your nonfiction
and stop procrastinating because
it’ll only get worse.

I shall commence

Morning

The day opens with a renewed sense of arrival
A voice, sweet and dear is gently
whispering my name from afar
Barely audible, yet luring me to the kitchen
with the aroma of Hawaiian hazelnut

I stand in the doorway
my eyes slowly taking in the colors
the angel before me captures
all my attention, with her hair
glistening a golden light brown
from the morning sun

As I approach near with the look
of the happiest little boy,
Daniella leans over to me..
ruffles my hair with a playful
smile, pats my cheek and says
“Morgen Schätzchen” and
kisses me “bonjour”.

Sweet delight from which I shall never tire,
every morning I am so blessed.
I open the patio door and begin making breakfast
starting with a small plate of
parmesan and tomatoes.
She livens up the morning by
reading from “il giornale”.

Desire

The cat sometimes visits me
here and there, wherever I go
sometimes out of nowhere
always coming when I call its name

It wears my heart as a pendant around its neck

It brushes up against me
meowing and purring
I pick him up with a smile on my face
accompanied by a somber tingling

“What am I going to do with you?”, I say
Of course he doesn’t answer
just looks at me and rubs his cheek
against my hand

“I know…you want attention.
But simply holding you won’t do me any good
but remind me that you’re here
Don’t get me wrong,
I love having you around
But until that time comes
when I can share you with her,
she..the anonymous her,
la femme qui je vais adorer,
I can’t give you a home”

I pet him once more
before putting him back down
and walk away..
glancing back I see him
sitting there
watching patiently after me
I smile and continue my way

Lettre D’Amour

Mon Amour,

The days passing have left a great weight on my being, on my ability to concentrate on the tasks at hand, for it is but of you I seem only able to think. If I could count all the minutes of the day that I lavish in recollections of your sweet smile and the warmth of your inviting eyes, it would amount to a few hours of my time that I would not trade for the merriest of moments. Should the duke himself invite me to a ball decored in the highest fashion and catering to Brussels’ aristocracy, I would attend in body but my spirit in its full livery would not be present.

It shall be just three weeks till my return oh dear Andrea, by that time my work with Monsieur Grepont will have passed and his excellency the Prince will have found another nobleman to whom my services will be of need. But fear not my dear of a hasty departure once I arrive. I have been granted a leave of ten weeks of which every day I shall enjoy with as great fervour as I had in the initial days of our aquaintance. The days are nearing my love, of when I may embrace you again. My eyes grow weary but my heart, mon coeur is still vividly aflame. I take now leave, only to see you again in my dreams and when that pleasant day comes in which our mind, heart, and spirits be in unison again.

Yours truly,

Juan-Carlos

Avenues

“Where shall we be going today?”, said the Driver to the Mademoiselle.

She replied, “First the path of career. It is my first duty today, and an obligation to which I must attend. Do you still remember the address?”

“Vaguely my lady, but we shall be there soon enough.” said the Driver.

Maria sat back and appeared to be relaxed, but was quietly within..a bit perplexed by the answer her Driver had given her today. They stopped at a red light when she asked, “Where do you propose we should drive this weekend?”.

With a friendly glance he replied, “Wherever you please my lady. It comes down to planning out where you want to be for me to drive you there. I know sometimes your sudden bursts of emotion in whichever form they assume will take ownership of the laidbefore plan. Spontanaity I say is healthy of course. But if I may give you advice on the matter my lady, I would say but this: Know that whichever emotion you release, you bear the responsibility of whatever circumstances you’ll encounter.”

“Yeah, I know.” said Maria. “But it’s fun to tell you to go somewhere random sometimes. At times these destinations have served as a great distraction from my present situation by helping to feel a sense of peace with oneself.”

“I know I shouldn’t mention his name, but Fear had always told me that some of these spontaneous destinations were a favorite place for him to work.”, said the Driver.

With a firm but respectful voice Maria said, “Sure, there are those escape-style destinations. But why be so pessimistic about it?”. With a big smile she added, “Sometimes we need to live it up because it feels fantastic and gives a breath of cool crisp air to life. I know where you’re heading with this: Reason said this…well you know I talked with Reason herself and she said that as long as I don’t make overexpectations I won’t land hard IF I do fall.”

“Well she only knows that because she’s friends with Proactivity and his cousin Zeal. Ah, enough with the Emotional Family Tree…I’m just trying to be helpful my lady. You know I really think you’re one of my most interesting passengers and I would hate to see you disconcerted and lost the next time you flag me down”, said the Driver.

Pleased at the kind remark Maria said, “Thanks. You’ve taken me to some wonderful places in the past and I’ll never forget these. Whether it be for the simple enjoyment of vacation in a far away land or the realization of some large goals that I’ve had in the past which gave me such overflowing satisfaction and a smile that seemed to never fade”.

“Actually, to be metaphorically correct” said the Driver, “I was in those international expeditions your pilot. And yes, these places too have given me pleasure. It’s nice to know as your driver that I can be of so excellent a service. Pride and I had spoken merrily on this matter before.”

“You and your PC jokes” laughed Maria while adding, “your humor makes this ride real fun sometimes”.

She looked out the window while embedded with serentiy and a tinge of Happiness. Maria and Happiness had known eachother for a long while, but sometimes they didn’t see eachother for days on end; then suddenly Happiness would re-appear and they were the best of friends. Maria always liked Happiness’ company and couldn’t always understand why she had to leave while not giving her ANY time frame of when they’d see eachother again.

If Maria wasn’t hanging out with Happiness, then Content was usually nearby and gave her good company.

Upon pulling up to the curb at Maria’s workplace, she said “Thanks a lot Diego. When will I see you again?”

In a joking manner the Driver said, “You know I never know that answer. It’s always been up to you and your heart on calling me up”.

“Always the answers I never fully understand Diego but they give me a bit of positive Hope. You’re a very singular person I must say. Have a good day!”, said Maria.

Diego smiled as he drove off. He was happy that Maria was in a good mood today. Naturally he liked taking passengers wherever they wanted to go…but at the same time it’s much easier of a drive when they have a definite location in mind. He was also happy with the author for finally giving him an actual name instead of still being rendered some obscure title by the name of “Driver”.

At the next intersection, a tall man waved him down from across the street. Upon pulling to the curb and his passenger having stepped in, Diego asked, “Where shall we be going today?”.

Diminished Flame

Dark in the woods, she lays by the fire
The serenity of the night all around her.

A fire burns within her heart,
and it burns out of love for him.
But he lost his love for her
and replaced it for another,
leaving a broken heart behind.

If it will mend, she does not know.
Laying by the fire, she lets her
tears flow.

The Storm

As the sky blackens,
and the clouds congregate,
an evil mist rises over the city,
unbeknownst to its settlers.

An evil that is like a snake,
that doesn’t let any known prey escape from its wrath.

As the mist slowly spreads into every corner of the city,
the people seem to find a new inner-self.
They find a person whom they no longer know.
They are hateful,
vengeful,
and ill-tempered.
They see others as greedy,
un-Christian,
wild boars who seek the destruction
and ruin of them.

As the evil saturates the city,
the people become envious and destructive.
They destroy one another’s land and property.

With this, famine takes its part,
and the people resort to cannibalism,
and see others as enemies and as prey.

Time passes,
and all are gone.
There is no war,
or even life in the city anymore.
All are deceased,
except the cause of this incident,
the hideous and malignant storm,
which now passes over the dead city,
and moves on
to the next.

Nina and the Course of Needed Action

As I sat on the train
on the cold winter night,
I remembered it all in a flash as she
walked by and sat across from me.

It was so mystical and strange,
but it brought back to me the memory
of Nina and her charm.

Nina – What a beautiful name
that meant so much to me back then.
But why did it have to end?

The lady, now in her seat,
wore that same scent as Nina did.
The scent that attracted me to her first.

What was it, that held us together back then?
If I only knew,
I’d use it again.

Harper Bay comes and the lady departs the train
with that sweet smile and the
graceful stride that only few possess.
My dear was one of them.

As my stop comes, I really think about it
How it was and how it could be still.

Staying in the darkness from one
another was too much for me to bear.
There was no other person
that could open and hold on to
my heart as she did.
I had to act.

When I got to my studio, I called up the airport
to find the next plane to Memphis.
Scheduled time was 12:15.
I grabbed some cash,
packed some clothes and headed off
for Kennedy International.

I purchased my ticket,
and boarded the plane.
A smooth take off told me of what to come.
I knew it all now.
All I needed was her.
She was all that meant to me now.

The black & white movies on Turner Classic Movies,
I always regarded as the same.
Breakup and reunion.
But now I saw how
it did and does really happen.
It happened to me,
and it can happen to you.

Stay

Another day passes us by,

unnoticed and unseen.

Another moment slips out

of our hands,

too late to reach out and grasp.

But why do we let it

take us away?

Cannot we just make it stay?

Stay…

The Person Inside of Me

A place where I hide
A place where I stay
is somewhere I throw my
problems away.

Thinking not of the present
but of my life to come
cause the life here round me
is truly no fun.

I have a life
oh yes I do
and it comes alive to me
when the week is through.
When I take off my mask
and let the true world see
The real person hiding inside of me.

I like to express the person I am
for no one can change me into someone new
cause a stranger within really couldn’t be true.
To be true to yourself and true to others
is the only real way to know one another.

I’d like to let my person loose
and let him talk and let him walk
and not hang from a noose.

But he’s pretty walled up in a contrary room
of lies and hate
of trauma and fate
unnoticed to all
but for those who see
the real person
inside of me.

Belong to Me

I walked you past the fiery brush,
I took you down the shiny sea.
I left my door open,
But you came not to welcome me.

The life inside of me is flowing,
But the life inside of you turns cold.
My love for you keeps growing,
As my unanswered letters unfold.

A fire burns within my heart,
And it burns out of love for you.
But that love remains only a part
of which return is slim I fear.

I’d really love to be with you now,
And hold on to you forever.
But your madly chasing heart
Sadly tells me “never”.

So here in the shadows I stay,
Rejected with no guilt.
Knowing and trusting that come someday,
A firmer and stronger love will be built.

Hard Goodbyes

When we must part from one we know,
we love,
or care about,
one thing that is hard for many,
is saying Goodbye.

Maybe because it is because many of us
do not want to say it,
or even admit to want to say it,
because we are ashamed or something of the sort.

Yet we notice there is a time
for it and it must come as
future holds it and demands it.
We must all go through it

Yet it still remains as
a “Hard Goodbye”.

Silence

It’s quiet in here, don’t you say?

The loud and rude talking has faded away

The gentle sweet whispers have departed too

leaving behind an air of blue

Trust

This was written by a friend Jackie Chauser in 1993. I just dug it up and thought I should share:

To rely on someone
to tell a friend
to share a secret that will never end

A special bonding
oh so true
sense of security
without a clue

No one knows why
but for all the people whom pass you by
Your best friend treating you kindly is a must
because a good relationship
comes on the account of trust